1 best of : Last Ride: Classic Hearses at the 2018 Woodward Dream Cruise

The Professional Car Society’s gala 2018 national meet was held just 5 miles from Woodward Avenue on Dream Cruise weekend, so on Friday the city of Ferndale invited the group to show off a selection of funeral, livery, and ambulance class vehicles on West Nine Mile Road. We were most taken by the wide variety of hearses on display—perhaps fittingly—in the pouring rain during our visit.

Herewith we present six “ways to go out,” listed in order of descending fabulosity (at least to our laypersons’ eyes):

More 2018 Woodward Dream Cruise coverage:

1939 LaSalle Sayers & Scovill Coachbuilders

Just check out the “drapery” adorning the business end of this baby. It’s formed of cast aluminum, and each side panel incorporates a fairly well-hidden door. Yes, that means that for your last ride, you could either be loaded in head (or feet) first through the conventional right-side-hinged single rear door, or if more convenient to the burial location or curbside parking position relative to the church or funeral home, loaded in from either side. This 3-ton leviathan is powered by a Cadillac V-8. Acquired by its current owner in 1999, it has undergone a 10-year restoration, since which it has logged 11,000 miles attending meets. It was originally used by Tull Funeral Home in Toronto (which is still in business) and is believed to have been used as a hearse until 1959.

1979 Lincoln AHA Model 82 Viceroy Funeral Coach

Andy Hotten Associates had been making stretch limo, station wagon, and convertible modifications of Lincolns (and other Ford products) for years, and so was very well placed to capitalize on the fact that Lincolns remained full-sized for a few years after Cadillac shrunk its largest Fleetwood models. Four hearse variants were offered at the new models’ unveiling in April 1978 near the factory in Toronto: the Landau, Viceroy, Westminster, and Verona. Each featured a 30-inch wheelbase stretch (to 157.0), a full-length raised roof, a side-hinged rear door through which a casket could be loaded onto a rolling table, and air-assisted rear load leveling. Although it looks as if AHA could have just sliced a Town Coupe aft of the A-pillar and married it with a four-door Town Car sedan from the B-pillar forward, we’re told that most everything aft of the A-pillar on this model is built of custom formed steel. Because Cadillac hearses are so very common, going out in a Lincoln this long, lovely, and well built somehow seems more exclusive and fabulous.

1987 Cadillac Eureka Concours Landaulet Funeral Coach

Eureka Coach introduced the first limo-style coach, the first flower car, and in 1925 the first three-way casket table. This greatly simplified the task of loading a casket from the rear or either side. Eureka ceased operations in 1964 but was resurrected (in Toronto) in 1980 with the purchase of AHA (see above). Shortly thereafter, AHA’s Lincoln line was discontinued, and when Cadillac converted the DeVille line to front-wheel drive, Eureka offered vehicles built on this chassis while retaining RWD products based on the Fleetwood (and other GM B-bodies). This example is one of 52 DeVille-based Concours models built in 1987, 30 of which were Landaulet end-loaders, and of those this is the only gray one. To accommodate the wide casket table, Eureka had to replace the stock rear strut suspension with a lower-profile beam axle design. Front-drive funeral vehicles proved less popular than rear-drive ones—in 1987, only 67 of the 438 vehicles Eureka built were front-drive. At least to our way of thinking, this could be because, though we don’t expect our funeral processions to include any drifting, it’s more comforting to know that such a maneuver is at least conceivable when riding in a rear-drive hearse.

1999 Lincoln Eagle Town Car Funeral Coach

Eagle Coach Company of Amelia, Ohio, was founded in 1980 when Hess & Eisenhardt sold its Cincinnati funeral coach business. This 1999 Lincoln Town Car conversion features fiberglass construction of most bodywork behind the front door. The car is co-owned by three families, one of which had a patriarch who was a Lincoln man. His son wanted to ensure dad’s last ride would be in a Lincoln. It was built in white and served two funeral home owners in that color, but the current owners converted it to black. The editorial eye has trouble squaring the boxy styling of the rear half of any hearse with the curvy rounded design of the front and the taillights, hence this model’s ranking in fourth place on this list.

1985 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Mini Hearse

The owner of this odd stretched station wagon was nowhere to be found and the internet seems devoid of info about it, but it just strikes us as incredibly sad to go out in a downsized station wagon that’s been stretched aft of the rear wheels and had its roof raised to accommodate a casket on rollers. This one is even made out of the lowest trim available. C’mon, at least replace the Delta 88 grille with one from an Olds Ninety-Eight ferpetesake…

2000–2006 Chevrolet Tahoe Hearse

Saddest and/or most cynical of all the hearses moping in the pouring rain was this Chevy Tahoe that more or less appears to have just had its rear windows covered with vinyl, landau bars applied, a division window installed, and casket rollers put in. Adding insult to injury is the fact that it rolls on steelies. Really? Someone’s last ride doesn’t warrant an upgrade aluminum wheels—if not to the GMC, Denali, or Cadillac Escalade trim levels of this GMT800 platform?

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Last Ride: Classic Hearses at the 2018 Woodward Dream Cruise